Re: Free Pig Scraps

Hi, I have a cafe that turns over plenty of food scraps for pigs or cattle. Free for collection & buckets supplied.
Please call Aaron on 0414 xxx xxx

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Hi Aaron,

My friend Jason is a commercial buying manager for an un-named fast food chain and is always on the look out for new 'meat' sources. He's always making jokes about their customers being 'fat, disgusting human pigs,' so I think he'll get a kick out of this.

Even if the meat content in the scraps is only 5% they can still use it and no need to leave out any of the really nasty stuff like organs, half eaten food, rotten food, etc. Once it's been bleached, artificially colored, flavored and covered in some sugary type sauce, no one will ever know.

I'll put you guys in touch and he'll just turn up in their refitted, unmarked sewerage truck. There is a suction mechanism on the tank, so he will just suck it all up. No buckets required.

FS

Re: Wanted hunting property

Gday
I'm a licenced shooter seeking property to hunt feral pigs,goats,foxes and rabbits in nsw and willing to pay a fee for the privilege
thanks Joe

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Hi Joe,

I think I may have just the place for you. It's a smaller farm on the edge of Sydney. I was there a few weeks ago to gate crash a teenager's birthday party and I noticed there were several goats on the property.

I was hammered on tequila and cheap mescaline at the time, but I remember this one came up to me (I think it wanted to suck on my finger):

In hindsight, I think it's really creepy and I still have nightmares about it, so you have my blessing to go out there and shoot it in the head.

Not sure about the other animals, but I'm sure you'll find something else to aim at.

Oh yeah, the daughter of the farm owner is a 16 year old girl named Christy. She was also friendly, so don't shoot her, just tell her the lord Jesus is in your pants and she'll insist you take them off. Then you just say that he's shy and she should try to suck him out of his hiding spot.

She kept asking 'is he out yet?' but I told her to keep going until she felt something warm in her mouth and I said 'oh jesus, Christy...'

Worked for me, but your mileage may vary with the Jesus thing since you are going out there to shoot her pet goat in the head after all.

FM

PS Just so you know, Christy's Father also has guns.